I find myself smiling and laughing on my own these days. Honestly, I’m just so fucking happy and overwhelmed with this excitement that I can’t function. I’m finding happiness in the littlest things and its so fantastic. Acceptance into my dream school gave me hope and proved to me that my efforts aren’t futile. I have underestimated myself for so long, and now nothing can pull me down, because I know where I stand. This year has been ridiculous but I wouldn’t have it any other way, because I am so proud to be the woman I have become after all this. I learned to take an active approach to everything, to go after the stuff that I want because no one is going to hand you anything. You are the only person responsible for fulfilling your dreams, and no one can stop you if you are truly dedicated enough. Dedication, and a little bit of magic goes a long way.
Stuff to finish
1. Get rid of that H&M bag under my bed
- do something about my jeans!(shorts? capris?)
- Polka dot some shirts!
- Lace on the side!
- Make wrapping paper and cards!(picture frames?)
- Bulletin board(cork board w/ neutral fabric)
- Paint my plastic hand(with life lines, etc.)
- Fix up jewelry box
- Make candles
- Make my own pesto!
- Paint my “wood” painting
- Pant my owl?
- Change my rug!
- Make a new duvet cover! And pillows!
- Draw on some cheap rite aid shoes
- Make a sock rice creature
- Draw on some dishes
4. Actually use my journal
5. Find my sketch book
- Mom’s bedroom
- update seller account
- post inventory
- purchase macbook case and iphone case
8. Apply for jobs! Internships!
- Buy a backpack!
And also, i like this:
I am tempted to create a blog. And I’m also a bit tempted to do everything. Craft, cook, read, work, study, socialize, party, rest, debate. I want to be well-read, well versed in multiple languages, and have traveled the world. I want to be an engaging writer, an intelligent mathematician, an entrepreneur, a humanitarian, a lawyer, and an artist. I suppose it’s time to sleep less, and nurture my interests more, because there’s a lot to be done, and life is too short.
This makes me want to study hindi literature. These lyrics are so beautiful.
je main nadiya tu pani mai ta bin tere sukh jana je tu pani ta mai pyasi mai ta bin tere muk jana
Oh and I am in LOVE with TED talks
These were awesome:
Remember later to check out
Hate my big sis, like really, it makes me sad to see you honestly don’t fucking care. Being drunk is the worst for me, because I feel like no one cares, seriously like no one is here for me, I don’t know anyone and were going to be a depressing effing crying drunk because you know what, you don’t fucking fit in here. Leave baby leave, because you deserve fucking better than staying in a place where you have to pretend to be someone else. Hide your background because white supremacy is a thing, a really fucking big thing. And while we’re at it, congrats on not getting with Devon!
LOVE my big bro. He’s the best. He actually takes care of me unlike my big sis, who seems to honestly not give a flying fuck about what happens with me.
And I miss being a college student, I miss constantly being around familiar faces and meeting new people. I’m worried about starting fresh if I go somewhere else(if I even get in) and if I don’t, what the hell am I going to do with my life? Go back to Chapman? Stay at community college? D: Dear God.
But on another note, its rather ridiculous how simple human behavior seems to be. All anyone wants is to be appreciated, to be loved, to know that their presence actually matters. And when it is from someone of the opposite gender, we get an even different wonderful feeling, regardless of romantic interest or not. Gosh
And on another note, this sorority mumbo-jumbo all finally made sense to me yesterday. The girls at my school find a family within their sorority, it’s their home away from home, because they truly are far away from home. I’m so close that my family at home is all I need, and I don’t feel the need to venture out and be a part of a huge new family.
And suddenly it all clicked
Everyone just wants to be loved, to be appreciated. That’s what was missing. The lack of this very thing has ruined so much, but it’s not too late to get it all back, it’s never too late.